Lasagna Connoisseur Gifts

Former opera tenor tells wife to bring more lasagna.

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Cheeze Wiz.

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

A Macaroni in 1772

The Main Types of Cheese

"Trail mix?"

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

'Another neat trick is to cut regular spaghetti into little pieces, and next thing you know you've got yourself a bowl of spaghetti-i-s.'

Cheese

Italia tours

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

'Is this a party, a cheese and wine do, a cocktail party, a soiree or just another of your old cronies get-togethers?'

"Just toot my horn and I'll be there."

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

The Running of the Brie

Rejoice! It's time to celebrate the baby cheeses!

"Of course I love you more than cheese. What a silly question. In fact, cheese and I are just friends. Nothing's going on between cheese and me."

Great moments in 'Haute Cuisine'. . . America gives the world the Donut Sandwich.

Doctor's Office. He put me on a pasta diet -- He says I've been off my noodle long enough.

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

'Do you call this spaghetti'

"No, it's still just a thirst for spaghettios."

Old Phones Lasagne

'We're losing the mid-morning market. Let's put a hamburger in a glazed donut and call it brunch.'

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

"I'll have the vegetable lasagne, hold the vegetables."

'Well you asked for Al dente.'

Future Wrestler

Spaghetti Road

Italian Style Fish 'n' Chips

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

'Has someone cut the cheese?'

"Cheese is just a substitute for the love you've never given me."