Landlubber Jokers Gifts

Sailor in Car.

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

Tortoise and hare on treadmills.

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

Warning! Stay off the biotech lawn.

"I'd rather be at the office."

'When did the treadmill replace the rat race?'

"At least you made it into the hallway."

"Your brochure led me to believe it'd have a more temperate climate."

'That would be way embarrassing.'

"So I reckon this is your first rodeo."

"Oh, bugger!"

The G-nome Project (Mapping the genome).

'It's hop,hop,skip,rattle,rattle. Remember, the second rattle is the difference between curing jungle fever or just relieving the patient of uncomfortable gas.'

'I think I'll walk to work today.'

"You're not going to eat me are you? Have you never heard of mad worm disease?"

"1-800 Herd of Elephants."

'Why the Coyote Crossed the Road?'

'Every week a sum of money the size of this rainforest disappears to service the UK's national debt.'

"Listen, I've got a catchphrase,...'mind that coconut!'"

Literal Following of Directions: RUN

'The deceased was a member of their running club.'

'Let's be careful this morning, the patient's wife informed me that he broke a chain-letter recently.'

"I don't like the look of things, Henshaw."

Death Goes For A Jog

'Instead of hunting tonight, why don't we call our insurance agent, say we want to get Medigap coverage, and eat him when he arrives?'

"Did you notice the 30 mph sign back there?"

Let's stop at the next exit. We may need an antacid, if I read the sign correctly."

"I'm allergic to ice."

'Exercise without pain? But what would the point be?'

'Heh, heh - So how does it feel to be the victim for a change?'