Jogging Jokesters Gifts

'Exercise without pain? But what would the point be?'

'The deceased was a member of their running club.'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

"I hate this time of year."

Extremely Practical Jokes.

Warning! Stay off the biotech lawn.

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"At least you made it into the hallway."

I think when they talk about 'taking more excercise' they meant more than lifting the remote control.

'When did the treadmill replace the rat race?'

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

"I feel so much more relaxed since I punched out my yoga instructor!"

'No, I haven't taken up jogging...A velociprator was after me!'

'I ran the mile in two minutes. I took a short cut.'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

Speed enforced by really slow walkers.

'We're having the whole place done over in pistachio!'

'I'm very active. I'm always jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth, skipping lunch, and jogging my memory. With all that jumping, stretching, skipping and jogging, I still can't lose weight.'

'Saint Francis changes his mind about animals'

Your nose is running...which I guessing is more than I can say for your feet.

'What makes you so sure this is good for my health?'

Marathon runners in silly costumes.