Jolly Jokesters Gifts

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

'Honey, have you seen my suit?'

"Sarge, I think I've found the owner of that driverless sleigh discovered up north!"

"Let's tell him we've been good. He probably won't call our bluff."

"It's cuz you're fat."

Santa Claus

"Hi! I'm on the bus."

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

Fleas Navidad.

"Merry Christmas"

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Men dancing

Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

Elf of the Month

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'What, not even a kiss first?'

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

"Maybe this year..."

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w