Joyful Jokester Gifts

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

Men dancing

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

I laughed so hard that milk came out my nose.

'No wine, but tidings of great joy.'

This Sleigh Carries No Recalled Chinese Toys.

Celebrity Clown Rehab: 'And so how does that make you feel, Chuckles?'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"Merry Christmas"

A crab with a utility knife claw

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Pelobong

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Priest with the Pet Devil.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Leaving cards.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

"Maybe this year..."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

Elf of the Month

"You idiots … we lost!"

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'