Playful Jokester Gifts

"Have you seen my sticks?"

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

'Let's play house. You can be my ex-husband.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

Fleas Navidad.

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

A crab with a utility knife claw

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

Men dancing

Pelobong

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Leaving cards.

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and with the sun if I've found death, please excuse my morning breath.