Lighthearted Jokester Gifts

"He can't be very good, look at his face."

'Question number one: Does your wife ask you questions from women's magazines?'

'It's just a bit of pond weed tied to my bottom but it makes me feel so much younger!'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Fleas Navidad.

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Daffodil bulbs

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Pelobong

Men dancing

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

Leaving cards.

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

Surreal Ale Pub.

Elf of the Month

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and with the sun if I've found death, please excuse my morning breath.

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

"Maybe this year..."

'Vacuums!'

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

'But seriously, folks... Who knows how many blondes it takes to screw in my latest invention?'

"Your Covid-19 Test Results Are In..."