Lighthearted Jokester T-Shirts

"He can't be very good, look at his face."

'Question number one: Does your wife ask you questions from women's magazines?'

'It's just a bit of pond weed tied to my bottom but it makes me feel so much younger!'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Daffodil bulbs

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

Men dancing

Pelobong

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

Leaving cards.

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

Elf of the Month

Surreal Ale Pub.

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Maybe this year..."

'Vacuums!'

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

C is for Cracker

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

Just Survived My 3rd COVID Scare Dance.

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

"Your Covid-19 Test Results Are In..."

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'