Humorist Jogger Gifts

"I'm done - I only jog far enough to burn off the cheesecake I had for breakfast."

Banana Split...

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

Jogging Bottoms

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

Tortoise and hare on treadmills.

"I hate this time of year."

He prefers to play fetch with a medicine ball.

Poetry in motion - Runners quoting poems as they jog.

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

'I've met you before...I'm not good with names, but I never forget a pace!'

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

'Are we having fun yet?'

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

'There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got.'

"I've been telling everyone how athletic you are."

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

False encouragement.

Please seat to be weighted.

'When did the treadmill replace the rat race?'

"That's right, my dad is training for the Pamplona fun-run..."

I think when they talk about 'taking more excercise' they meant more than lifting the remote control.

"At least you made it into the hallway."

AL'S GYM, 'We're going to make a new man of you!' 'Will he have new credit cards?'

'No, I haven't taken up jogging...A velociprator was after me!'

Running With Scissors Marathon

'I ran the mile in two minutes. I took a short cut.'

"You only get one chance to make a great exhaustion."

Tred carefully mill.

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything.