Kitty Humorist Gifts

'Lingerie works, but I usually lure Doug to the bedroom with a laser pointer.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Yes, one is a dog."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

Glance Exchange

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Scuba cow"

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

Hats and Food

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'