Kidney Crusader Gifts

'My transplanted heart is 29, my transplanted kidney is 41, my transplanted lung is 38 and the rest of me is 59.'

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

'That'll teach the pesky python to be greedy and eat all my chickens!'

Ironing day.

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

Your Guide to Winning Movember

"It started as a crusade. Now it's just a commute."

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

Nervous Student

"Always with the cancer cures, this one."

A crab finds an alternative to walking sideways.

Fumes from furniture

"It would kill him to run a vacuum?"

Third World debt interest repayments/ charity aid

It's a Dog's life

Illustration on the problem of money that is given to charities ending up in the hands of governments.

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

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"We've got a class-action suit if I ever saw one."

Biomedical Conference. To incentivize advances in medical science, more cures and fewer diseases should be named after people.

'Don't get me wrong, the Church is glad to hear your confession of improper contributions, but only the I.R.S. can grant absolution.'

"I don't CARE if Tracy Emin's bed sold for £4440,000...I STILL want you to clean your room."

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

"I could probably keep spring-cleaning till next winter."

"Let me know when the floor is clean enough for me to put my feet on it again."

'Mom, I cleaned my room like you told me.'

Cleaner

Man of steel wool.

'Oh no, green waxy build up.'