Journalism Jesters Gifts

Tercentary of Shakespeare's Birth

Dog fetching clown shoes.

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'

'He said his first buzz word today!'

At The Clown Bank.

Pumping up wig in blender.

'Now, for the lighter side of the news'

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

"Unfortunately your Twitter has been hacked. Fortunately it has been hacked by someone much cooler and funnier than you."

Steinbeck - stuck on the title page (Grapes of Wrath).

'Is he taking the piss?'

'The prisons are overcrowded, so why don't you just drop and give me fifty push-ups?'

'It certainly is a big one!'

"Since I know you got your book report off the internet, and you know I got my math lesson off the internet, I guess we're even."

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Chris Matthews'

"We're having a whip-round for Jane - you're next."

"And now I'd like to share our strategic plan with you, code named 'Get your resume ready'."

The end of the world is at hand: '10... 9... 8... 7...'

'Well, they certainly caught you kipping!'

That remark you made to the waiter about the fly in your soup was hilarious! Thanks, but actually, the fly wrote that joke.

Cancel Culture and Stand-Up Comedy

'Now I'm getting those 'Psychic Pal' commercials when I dream!'

USBULA United States Bureau of Unnecessarily Long Acronyms

I agree with you Sadie. It's a total waste. What is? Facebook. It just sucks up your time, with the chatting and the updates and the Scrabble playing. Scrabble? People play on Facebook, or their iPhones, or casual game sites. Total waste. I love Scrabble! Hook baited. Internal conflict!

"We talk all the time."

Bad Reads

'Raymond's an anarchist couch potato.'

"The witness will not tweet his testimony."

'In a five to four decision today, the Supreme Court said 'Leave us alone, and we'll leave you alone.''

'Community service? Okay... but one at a time, hey?'

"I don’t understand why public support for the Supreme Court is flagging...."

'Internet troll, right?'