Journalism Jesters Gifts

Tercentary of Shakespeare's Birth

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

Dog fetching clown shoes.

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'

"Unfortunately your Twitter has been hacked. Fortunately it has been hacked by someone much cooler and funnier than you."

At The Clown Bank.

Pumping up wig in blender.

'Now, for the lighter side of the news'

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

'He said his first buzz word today!'

Steinbeck - stuck on the title page (Grapes of Wrath).

'The prisons are overcrowded, so why don't you just drop and give me fifty push-ups?'

'It certainly is a big one!'

"Since I know you got your book report off the internet, and you know I got my math lesson off the internet, I guess we're even."

"And now I'd like to share our strategic plan with you, code named 'Get your resume ready'."

The end of the world is at hand: '10... 9... 8... 7...'

'Now I'm getting those 'Psychic Pal' commercials when I dream!'

'Well, they certainly caught you kipping!'

USBULA United States Bureau of Unnecessarily Long Acronyms

"The witness will not tweet his testimony."

"We talk all the time."

'Raymond's an anarchist couch potato.'

Bad Reads

'In a five to four decision today, the Supreme Court said 'Leave us alone, and we'll leave you alone.''

'Community service? Okay... but one at a time, hey?'

'If dodos are extinct, how do you explain our foreign policy?'

"I don’t understand why public support for the Supreme Court is flagging...."

'Internet troll, right?'