Joke Writer Pillows

"A rabbi, a priest and a duck! What a coincidence. I'm a joke writer."

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

'We had to remove the door knob---it was causing too much hilarity'

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Zombie standup

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

Shampoo.

How about going easy on the carbs

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

It's estimated that millions of trees are planted by forgetful squirrels.

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

"Eat me"

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Higher wisdom...

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

'Since laughter is the best medicine, I have a joke, Hee, Hee, Haw,Ha!...that could simply wipe out your Infectious Mononucleosis!'

"Amateurs."

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'Listen Sonny, I don't want or NEED to get to the other side!'

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

'But this is fantastic, professor! It's like no language I've ever seen before!'