Joke Maker Pillows

'I want to speak with you about your work habits.' 'You mean work is habit forming?'

At the Laff-a-Mint

'Of course my wife understands me-that's why she's divorcing me!'

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'Can, you hear me?'

'...then the wolf fell into a vat of sheep-dip...but sheariously, folks...'

"I know you're thinking it. Don't say it!"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

Shampoo.

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

How about going easy on the carbs

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

It's estimated that millions of trees are planted by forgetful squirrels.

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'But this is fantastic, professor! It's like no language I've ever seen before!'

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'

Baxter Higgleton, word balloon artist.

'Our family has a dry sense of humor, and we don't laugh that much.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"