Joke Maker Gifts

'I want to speak with you about your work habits.' 'You mean work is habit forming?'

Monkey Pee/Monkey Poo.

At the Laff-a-Mint

'Of course my wife understands me-that's why she's divorcing me!'

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

Museum. Petrified Forest. What is the petrified forest scared of?

'Can, you hear me?'

'...then the wolf fell into a vat of sheep-dip...but sheariously, folks...'

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

"I know you're thinking it. Don't say it!"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

Shampoo.

Middle-Age Superheroes

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

How about going easy on the carbs

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

The only time cats are known to laugh.

It's estimated that millions of trees are planted by forgetful squirrels.

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'But this is fantastic, professor! It's like no language I've ever seen before!'

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'