Joke Teller Pillows

'But this is fantastic, professor! It's like no language I've ever seen before!'

"So I`m asking you to carry one more straw. What`s with the big problem?"

"...I said 'show me your PASS!'"

'Fear not my friends - this while situation is merely a logical fallacy built on a common misconception! Polar bears only live in the Arctic, whereas we penguins live in the Southern hemisphere.'

Normally she wouldn't say boo to a goose!

'Was that you?'

"Trust me, they get a lot more forgetful when it comes time to pay their tab."

'I give up, what is nine feet tall and has two fangs and has hair all over its body?'

"When they said there was a substantial penalty fro early withdrawl, they weren't kidding."

"Do you want a drink or do you need a drink ? We're very busy...."

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

How about going easy on the carbs

'I can't get to the phone right now...I'M A COW!'

Looking for trouble - Can of worms with a can opener next to it.

"This is a rough neighbourhood!"

'The Beckhams called Brooklyn after where he was conceived so...'

Dave soon realised it was going to be a tough gig.

'I was caught between a raised bar and a lowered standard.'

Difference between tick and a lawyer - A tick falls off when you're dead.

'I see it's already cost you an arm and a leg.'

'The good news is you're going to live, the bad news is you're allergic to cheese.'

"Wait. I never forget a face-Easter Island, 1722!"

Plants and Flowers Crack Jokes.

'He's pulling your leg -- he never worked for the 'Terry and the Pirates' comic strip.'

"Really? Nothing has died in there? How do you explain the smell then?"

'Why the long face?'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"Instead of a three-hour play with 20 performers, what about a single performer, alone onstage, telling jokes for 30 minutes?"

'What does unaware mean?'

'What goes putt-putt-putt-putt?'

Though he was ecstatic at the time, years later Mark would discover that his dog simply had a speech impediment.

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

'I've heard the lobster is extremely fresh here.'

'Yeah, forensics tested the carpet sample and found something alright - but it wasn't blood,,, Any guess what it might have been, Mr McGruff'

'I just had a beer with Edward the Confessor - talk about too much information!'