Joke Telling Pillows

"If you say Happy Moo Year one more time I'm going to have to slap you!"

Horn's Broke...Use Bell.

Standup Dictator

"A rabbi, a priest and a duck! What a coincidence. I'm a joke writer."

"Stop me if you've heard this one."

Remember, when one door closes, another door opens, so don't forget to fix that @#$% latch, too. RJ & Son Locksmiths.

The Meaning of Humour

'The humor I'm working into my talk is cracking me up.'

'Wow, it's lucky he shot at you with a rifle and not a shotgun, otherwise, you would have been a goner...'

"Cold? Are you kidding?! It's warm back here. . . hey!!"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

6 Quarantine-Friendly Fashions

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

"Thanks for walking a mile in my shoe but it's beginning to hurt now."

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

Intelligent people laugh too!

'He likes to power nap.'