Joke Teller Gifts

The only place it's okay to pick your nose.

'But this is fantastic, professor! It's like no language I've ever seen before!'

"So I`m asking you to carry one more straw. What`s with the big problem?"

"...I said 'show me your PASS!'"

'Fear not my friends - this while situation is merely a logical fallacy built on a common misconception! Polar bears only live in the Arctic, whereas we penguins live in the Southern hemisphere.'

Normally she wouldn't say boo to a goose!

'Was that you?'

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

"When they said there was a substantial penalty fro early withdrawl, they weren't kidding."

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

How about going easy on the carbs

'I told you if you kept making faces it would freeze that way.'

"Do you want a drink or do you need a drink ? We're very busy...."

"Trust me, they get a lot more forgetful when it comes time to pay their tab."

'I can't get to the phone right now...I'M A COW!'

'I give up, what is nine feet tall and has two fangs and has hair all over its body?'

'The Beckhams called Brooklyn after where he was conceived so...'

Difference between tick and a lawyer - A tick falls off when you're dead.

'I see it's already cost you an arm and a leg.'

'The good news is you're going to live, the bad news is you're allergic to cheese.'

Dave soon realised it was going to be a tough gig.

Looking for trouble - Can of worms with a can opener next to it.

'I was caught between a raised bar and a lowered standard.'

"This is a rough neighbourhood!"

56% of GPs are in favour of charging for appointments.

School of Business Administration: Taking All the Credit 101/Deflecting All the Blame 202.

'I'll have the soup of the day, and please, make sure there is a fly in it...'

'Yeah, forensics tested the carpet sample and found something alright - but it wasn't blood,,, Any guess what it might have been, Mr McGruff'

'Why the long face?'

'Caption balloons for sale! Only $8.95 each. Great gift idea. A real bargain! Buy 4 get one free. How about if I throw in a thought bubble at no extra cost?'

'Thanks for being such a difficult audience.'

'I just had a beer with Edward the Confessor - talk about too much information!'

'I've heard the lobster is extremely fresh here.'

'What does unaware mean?'

Of course, then there was Lester, the brown-nosed reindeer.