Joke Teller Aspirant Gifts

"Whenever I try telling a joke...everyone laughs at me."

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

Shampoo.

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

Middle-Age Superheroes

How about going easy on the carbs

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

It's estimated that millions of trees are planted by forgetful squirrels.

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

The only time cats are known to laugh.

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

'But this is fantastic, professor! It's like no language I've ever seen before!'

Baxter Higgleton, word balloon artist.

'Our family has a dry sense of humor, and we don't laugh that much.'

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

Pull my finger! Zombie Humor.

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

"It's good news, Mrs Fenton - Your laughter is no longer infectious!"

Giraffe wanders into Lion country.

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

'Hendrikson is playing his practical joke again!'

Bull Pen