Joining The Army Gifts

'By the way, what are we in line for?'

"You don't think rum-filled centers would give his officers the wrong impression?"

Young man asking his governer to buy him a commission in the army

Army Training

'Welcome to boot camp. You'll be staying in hut two-three-four.'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"Will you have any objection to wearing your headgear the right way round?"

Servicemen.

HDQTRS division, Motor Pool and Covert Ops.

'Slip Ahoy!'

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

'Carry on sailor, just keep swimming around the coast and stick your head up now and again.'

War never felt the same after the Great Puppy Ambush.

'...and this is the Mess.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Commando crashes into wall, instead of through window.

"I've never liked 'im - he's an attention seeker!"

Submariners' Eye Test.

'Well, we still think you're a naughty boy, running away to sea like that!'

Banting in the Yeomanry

'My doctor tells me I have medal poisoning.'

'Being a Drill Sergeant isn't s tough - all you got to know is how to count to four.'

'Hey, boys, I wouldn't tease the guerrillas - they will shoot.'

"I liked the one that saluted."

'Let me guess - You want to be a helicopter pilot?'

Passages in the Life of a Volunteer

'Relax - everyone's a bit scared on their first raid.'

"Joining the Army was great for me son; he learned a skill and gained a world of self confidence. Of course, he still won't clean his room."

'Lose those unsightly man boobs - JOIN THE US MARINES!'

"It's a great extra recruiting tool. Those who know they can't live up to that quickly disappear."

'Dad, I want to drive an army tank when I'm older.'

The March to Finchley.

"It's blank because we haven't found a new war yet."

"Your resume is impressive."

"In the mid 60s I received both my draft card and a Valentine's Day card on February 14th. Being a conscientious objector to both love and war, I burned both cards."