Considering Joining The Military Gifts

'Lose those unsightly man boobs - JOIN THE US MARINES!'

HDQTRS division, Motor Pool and Covert Ops.

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"You may be in love, but can you support my daughter on what a herring makes?"

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

War never felt the same after the Great Puppy Ambush.

'...and this is the Mess.'

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

'Marriage might suck the life out of our relationship.'

"I've never liked 'im - he's an attention seeker!"

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"You don't think rum-filled centers would give his officers the wrong impression?"

"I liked the one that saluted."

'Let me guess - You want to be a helicopter pilot?'

"He wants to be a Navy Seal when he grows up."

"Joining the Army was great for me son; he learned a skill and gained a world of self confidence. Of course, he still won't clean his room."

Passages in the Life of a Volunteer

'Relax - everyone's a bit scared on their first raid.'

"It's a great extra recruiting tool. Those who know they can't live up to that quickly disappear."

Young man asking his governer to buy him a commission in the army

'By the way, what are we in line for?'

Bachelors talking about fashionable life versus marriage

Sympathy

'I'd like to be all I can be!' - Recruitment Centre

'The General won't be able to make it ,sir -he can't get a babysitter.'

Considerate Attention

'Welcome to boot camp. You'll be staying in hut two-three-four.'

"You're nice, Melvin, but before I marry you, I need to see how you perform in a down market."

“Why do you want to join the navy lad?”

"And why exactly do you want to join the army?"

"He says we'll get married as soon as everything bounces back."