Army Recruit Gifts

'Hang on kid...you have to sign up before you get to play with the toys!'

'By the way, what are we in line for?'

'You will not bully recruits - is that clear?'

Captain Obvious early in his career.

Obstacle Course

"Will you have any objection to wearing your headgear the right way round?"

Drill Instruction

"He might be the perfect candidate to boost morale on a global scale."

"I've never liked 'im - he's an attention seeker!"

'I appreciate your enthusiasm, but we'll provide camouflage.'

They send you to all the places refugees are escaping from.

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'Everyone is getting up on time now that we've switched to vuvuzela for reveille.'

'I think he wants to enlist in the K-9 corps!'

Think hard soldier! When I threw the practice grenade, did you hear me say 'fetch'?

'What do you mean - what comes after left, right, left, right?'

'I already have the helmet, so I'm thinking of enlisting in the Army.'

Passages in the Life of a Volunteer

Passages in the Life of a Volunteer

HDQTRS division, Motor Pool and Covert Ops.

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

'I was headhunted.'

War never felt the same after the Great Puppy Ambush.

'...and this is the Mess.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

"Tell me when it's all cyber warfare, and I'll enlist!"

Commando crashes into wall, instead of through window.

Banting in the Yeomanry

'Being a Drill Sergeant isn't s tough - all you got to know is how to count to four.'

'I may scream at you occasionally. Pay no attention. I may rant and rave...pay no attention...I may even fire you occasionally. PAY ATTENTION!'

"You don't think rum-filled centers would give his officers the wrong impression?"

'Let me guess - You want to be a helicopter pilot?'

"I liked the one that saluted."

'What'll it be . . . too large or too small?'

Military ardour.