Army Recruiter Gifts

"This looked cooler in the commercials."

'Keep working on those recruitment slogans.'

'I remember when it used to be 'serve your country.''

'You can't join the army, you're only an infant.'

'Don't ask! Don't tell! Don't bugger your fellow GI!'

'Nope. Christy broke up with me.'

Army Recruitment: 'Right Son, kick once if you want signals and twice if you want to go in the infantry.'

'We have three who want to serve as their patriotic duty...14 who want nose jobs and 32 who want implants.'

I'd like to join up.

Army School Recruitment - 'I got shot.'

School Notice Board - Carry a Gun! Don't Carry a Gun!

'If we put this in the drinking water, ever sink state resident in Britain will feel the uncontrollable urge to travel to Afghanistan and defeat the Taliban.'

'Sorry son, you can't join: You're flat-footed...'

"I think we should stop talking about out target demographic."

"In the mid 60s I received both my draft card and a Valentine's Day card on February 14th. Being a conscientious objector to both love and war, I burned both cards."

"Your resume is impressive."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."