Military Recruit Gifts

"Jeremy regrets joining The Swiss Army."

Did I hear right? Rudy's planning to sign up for the army? Its terrible. I thought: There's no way he'll do it. So why is he? The army's giving him a lot of concessions. We'll be in the same unit, right? Unlimited Xbox and bananas.

Drill Instruction

'I need a haircut...maybe I should enlist.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

HDQTRS division, Motor Pool and Covert Ops.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"Who's next?"

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"HR think we need to look again at your recruitment strategy."

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

Your resume says you were a waiter...

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

'How many words per minute do you type?'