Joining A Film Project Gifts

'Film extras drinks night'

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Working in the Hazard Zone!

Cut!

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

'Action!...Cut!...Right, everything else is CGI'

A sign that reads "ART...and plenty of it!" hangs above the entrance to a museum.

'Dad, would you ming standing up, then accidentally tripping on the dog and falling flat on your face? I'll try to get it in one shot.'

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

"Which part are you reading for?"

Ishmael's First Day on the Pequod was Full of Surprises: "A harpoon!? Don't you practice catch and release?"

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

Mu-ther!! Pu-lease! I already have cleaned my room. I vant to be left alone! So when are the drama club auditions? Everyday.

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

Hollywood producer.

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

A father films his family while imagining himself as a director

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

The lunar landing of Appollo 11 is shown as a hoax filmed in a studio.

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

"Mom! Kathy's feeding her liver to the dog! Want to see the video?"

Hollywood producer.

'So, you think you can just waltz right in here and start making movies, Mr, Astaire'

So, Leo catches me, devours me...wears make up?"

"Ronny, there's not going to be any 3-D. The studio wants you to shoot it on your cell phone."

True Story Movie

Child star Fatty Deposits humiliates Zippy, The Wonderdog, on the set of their latest movie, 'Too Cute For Comfort'....

"Now all we need is a good script."

"I tried running in gyms, but nothing gets me motivated like running towards a love interest...."

May I have the envelope, please?