New Film Project Gifts

On the Set of the Mulberry Bush

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Empty box of ideas

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Cut!

Working in the Hazard Zone!

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

Kritik's Korner

"Say hello to my little friend."

Bright Idea

Candid Camera store.

Censors 'no' a good thing when they see it.

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

The star hunters

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

"I feel a great disturbance in The Force."

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

"I want you to know that emotion overrode reason."

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

Now that you have a heart, you really should switch to polyunsaturated oil.

'Action!...Cut!...Right, everything else is CGI'