New Art Endeavor Gifts

"Life is too short! Why should I waste my time frantically searching for a mate when I can create art instead..."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

Empty box of ideas

Wagging Dog

The Selfie

"I was drawing a whale, but I ran out of paper."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Bright Idea

Cats at private view

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

Jackson Pollock Studio

"He's an abstract artist."

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

Imagine

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'It's my main decorating motif.'

"Typical venue, just providing male washroom facilities!"

"Congratulations! You've won the bid."

"Hmmm...I wonder what the artist is trying to say...?"

"It's called 'Sold'."

Smithsonian

'Yes, I'm very excited. I really think that I will make my mark as a surrealist miniaturist.'

Kapoor & Piss-poor (Anish Kapoor sculpture beside Marcel Deschamps urinal)

"You don't look a day over 30,000."

"The museum of modern art on fire... an installation."

Instant art

"Someday we will escape from this prison."