Job Seeker Journeyer Gifts

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

How are you at decision making?

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Do you have any other skills?

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I don't like your application."

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

In and Out Sourced.

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

Between Offices

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."