Job Journeyer Gifts

Your position on the career map.

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'I'm not saying this is a deadend job, but you can forget a trophy wife.'

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"Look Billington, if you can't take the strain, tell me, ok?"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

Guess which "squeaky wheel" got another raise.

The Paper Route

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

'Yes sir, I'll get right on it. Would you like it done with or without gusto?'

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

"The labor market is awaiting you!"

'What do I do around here? Sir, I really think I deserve some time for research and preparation before answering that.'

(an employee is in grasp of a giant octopi.The employee's boss is yelling at him through a bull-horn) 'Mr. Smith! According to H.R., you can no longer be employed here! Alright H.R., you can set Mr. Smith down now!'

'Regarding where you stand for a payrise - you don't.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

'Word has it that you have an ulcer, Tomkins. Nice going! You'll find an extra 20 bucks in your paycheck.'

Why do you want a career in the bank?

"You should be grateful your hours are such that you're able to work 3 jobs."

I avoided the layoff, but they transferred me to the high-wire act. At least it's steady work.

"I'd like you to consider some of our exciting career opportunities working for anyone else but me."

"I hate my job and I'm terrified of losing it."

"I dreamed last night that I had a job within walking distance."

'Uh-oh... the boss is wearing his safety boots! That means, someone will get kicked out today!'