Job Searching Journeyman Gifts

"You'll have to look harder than that to find a job, Son."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"The labor market is awaiting you!"

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

'Refusing to fill in a psychometric test reveals a lot about you, Jones.'

"I guess I always wanted to be an electrician. As a little boy, I ran away to join the circuits."

'I'm not saying this is a deadend job, but you can forget a trophy wife.'

"A High-Pain Job? Yes, I believe we have that."

"I'd like to be the first to welcome you to our company. But, I've decided not to hire you."

'Looking for a job with better conditions?'

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'

'There were a lot of highly qualified applicants, but I was particularly impressed by your resume.'

"He's the guy I'm interested in. He's just not the kind of guy I'm interested in."

"So, let me get this right. All the job involves is running around a track as fast as I can?"

'Where do you see yourself in five years? Still looking for work?'

"Forgive me, Judge, but I've had a convenient loss of memory."

At last he was ready to plug into online job search.

Graduate Job Openings

"Well, you're both strong candidates with very similar résumés so we've decided to settle the matter through hand to hand combat."

'We're looking for someone with a killer instinct.'

"Sorry, but your good references don't match the passion of your bad ones."

"We're looking for someone with a diverse skill set accompanied by an advanced sense of passive resignation."

"Not hired?! But I got A's in all my classes!"

Internship applications with an elbow sharpener.

'Okay, I'll check, but I'm pretty sure Liz Hurley already has a dresser.'

'Well, that's a new one on me -- a 'bachelor's degree lite'?'

'So how did your attitude test go?'

"It's a tough job, but it offers frequent flyer miles."

"Well I admire your forthrightness."

Man to run supermarket (out of town)

'Sure, I'll hire you -- I could use a good tax loss this year.'

'I don't know all that much about welding, but I really need to get a job before the end of the month.'

Now Hiring