Job Searching Journeyman Pillows

"You'll have to look harder than that to find a job, Son."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Resume Dumpers

"The labor market is awaiting you!"

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

'Refusing to fill in a psychometric test reveals a lot about you, Jones.'

"I guess I always wanted to be an electrician. As a little boy, I ran away to join the circuits."

"I'd like to be the first to welcome you to our company. But, I've decided not to hire you."

'I'm not saying this is a deadend job, but you can forget a trophy wife.'

"A High-Pain Job? Yes, I believe we have that."

'Looking for a job with better conditions?'

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'

"He's the guy I'm interested in. He's just not the kind of guy I'm interested in."

'There were a lot of highly qualified applicants, but I was particularly impressed by your resume.'

"So, let me get this right. All the job involves is running around a track as fast as I can?"

'Where do you see yourself in five years? Still looking for work?'

"Forgive me, Judge, but I've had a convenient loss of memory."

"Well, you're both strong candidates with very similar résumés so we've decided to settle the matter through hand to hand combat."

Graduate Job Openings

At last he was ready to plug into online job search.

"Sorry, but your good references don't match the passion of your bad ones."

"Not hired?! But I got A's in all my classes!"

'We're looking for someone with a killer instinct.'

"We're looking for someone with a diverse skill set accompanied by an advanced sense of passive resignation."

"Well I admire your forthrightness."

'Sure, I'll hire you -- I could use a good tax loss this year.'

"It's a tough job, but it offers frequent flyer miles."

'I don't know all that much about welding, but I really need to get a job before the end of the month.'

Now Hiring

Man to run supermarket (out of town)

'Okay, I'll check, but I'm pretty sure Liz Hurley already has a dresser.'

Internship applications with an elbow sharpener.

"I'm starting to worry about these motivational signs the boss is posting in my cubicle."