Job Seeker Journeyer Pillows

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

How are you at decision making?

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

Between Offices

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"I don't like your application."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

In and Out Sourced.

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'