Job Journeyer Pillows

Your position on the career map.

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'I'm not saying this is a deadend job, but you can forget a trophy wife.'

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Look Billington, if you can't take the strain, tell me, ok?"

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

The Paper Route

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

'Yes sir, I'll get right on it. Would you like it done with or without gusto?'

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

"The labor market is awaiting you!"

'What do I do around here? Sir, I really think I deserve some time for research and preparation before answering that.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

'Regarding where you stand for a payrise - you don't.'

(an employee is in grasp of a giant octopi.The employee's boss is yelling at him through a bull-horn) 'Mr. Smith! According to H.R., you can no longer be employed here! Alright H.R., you can set Mr. Smith down now!'

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

Why do you want a career in the bank?

Jack and the Beanstalk.

'I'm married to my job, and now it wants a trial separation!'

"You should be grateful your hours are such that you're able to work 3 jobs."

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

'Uh-oh... the boss is wearing his safety boots! That means, someone will get kicked out today!'

"I dreamed last night that I had a job within walking distance."

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

'Word has it that you have an ulcer, Tomkins. Nice going! You'll find an extra 20 bucks in your paycheck.'