Career Journeyer Gifts

'So how did your attitude test go?'

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'What do you mean, you're tired of the rat race?'

'Think of this as a window of opportunity.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

"What's your occupation?"

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"It's been hell since you went into animation."

Corporate Ladder and Corporate Elevator

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

Ace headhunters.

Planned service changes

Become a Cosmetic Surgeon - Raise a Few Eyebrows!

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

'So, what do you want to be when you grow up: rebel scum or loyal servant of the supreme android republic?'

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

The Hive, Inc. You mean I'll always be a worker, with no chance of advancement?

'Mom, Dad. I've made up my mind. I'm going to skip college, hire an agent, and pin all my hopes on a professional bass fishing careers.'

'Worker or Soldier: Is that all you can suggest? Not much of a choice is there!...'

"I don't get it. I got a job at a fulfillment center and yet I'm still miserable!"

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

Now hiring.

"Baldo, I don't care what you are...as long as you're good at it."

'From now on, Bob, you'll have to fetch your own newspaper and slippers. I'm ready for a career change.'