Job Seeker Journey Gifts

'You're on benefits, Mr Scrote, I can't sign you off work - I can only sign you off LOOKING for work.'

'There were a lot of highly qualified applicants, but I was particularly impressed by your resume.'

"Sorry, but your good references don't match the passion of your bad ones."

Interviews: Appointments & Disappointments,

"Not hired?! But I got A's in all my classes!"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

How are you at decision making?

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Do you have any other skills?

Between Offices

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

"I don't like your application."

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

In and Out Sourced.

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'