Job Seeker Journey Gifts

'You're on benefits, Mr Scrote, I can't sign you off work - I can only sign you off LOOKING for work.'

'There were a lot of highly qualified applicants, but I was particularly impressed by your resume.'

"Sorry, but your good references don't match the passion of your bad ones."

Interviews: Appointments & Disappointments,

"Not hired?! But I got A's in all my classes!"

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

How are you at decision making?

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

Do you have any other skills?

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

Between Offices

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"I don't like your application."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

In and Out Sourced.

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."