Job Retention During Recession Gifts

'Of course, we're fully prepared to offer you our comprehensive employee health care package.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

Very Difficult Conversations

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

Danger Slow Sand.

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

Between Offices

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

I.O.U. one pot of gold.

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

"I used to think" if I don't go to work the world will fall apart. . . but it fell apart anyway."

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

St. Elmo's fired.

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

Fries and kids