Job Crisis Gifts

"Right, all those in favour of a car boot sale."

"With the rises in fuel, food and mortgage I'm going to have to put in some overtime."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

Caged Businessman

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

The world's most unemployable family

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

Dolestart - A New Initiative

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

'How long's he been out there?'

'Mr Clayton will see you first, Sir.'

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

"Brodkin, now that the economy is creating jobs at a faster than expected clip, why don't you go out and find yourself one?"

'Your prowess as a mouser got you this job. You're needed in the break area right away.'

"Damn tail... now he's going to ask for more money."

Social security.

'A resume painted in oils on canvas? How long have you been out of work?'

'This is where the company started handing out sick bags!'

'I don't know what to do about my check - grief or anger counseling.'

'This is one of those 'shovel ready' jobs you hear about.'

Don't jump! Just think what it will do to your wife and kids not to mention your career as a motivational speaker!

'I like your appearance. I'm sure we can find you a place in the company.'

"Looks like you're quite the wheeler and dealer... unfortunately we're only hiring movers and shakers."

"Of course there is still a lot of stigma attached to being undead, I hardly ever get past the interview stage."

Right,so you're looking for someone with magic circle experience in M&A ,litigation and finance with a set of blue chip clients and the freedom to work ANYWHERE...would you like them to walk on water and turn water into wine as well?

'I'm sorry, but we don't have a hiring freeze here.'

"Of course there are some advantages to working here...we have a Food Bank situated conveniently at the end of the street!"

The Contract Culture: 'Jump.'

"I refuse to go down with the ship."

'I need a hug. I was laid off at the fish factory.'

"Congratulations. We're 'last hired, first fired' here, so everyone agreed we had to hire someone!"