Job Recovery Gifts

Danger Slow Sand.

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Spa

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

Vlad the Inhaler

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

I.O.U. one pot of gold.

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Yeah, my life flashed before my eyes!...OK, it was food - all the food I've ever eaten flashed before my eyes."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

'Your blood Sugar is very high.'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

"Call me a taxi if I start foaming at the mouth."

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

"We're doing everything we can to make him comfortable, short of dressing up as male doctors."

'It didn't hurt at all. You gave it to my teddy bear.'

'I thought it might help you get your mind off things. It's a story of hope and survival. Nothing at all like your story.'

"Say hi to your mother for me and tell her I'm happy her bypass turned out O.K

A robot is in hospital, he has a card saying 'get welded soon.'

First United Church of Outrageously Overlimited Credit Card Holders