Layoff Recovery Gifts

"You're all hashtag summarily dismissed."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

Spa

Very Difficult Conversations

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Danger Slow Sand.

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

I.O.U. one pot of gold.

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"Yeah, my life flashed before my eyes!...OK, it was food - all the food I've ever eaten flashed before my eyes."

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

"Call me a taxi if I start foaming at the mouth."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

"We're doing everything we can to make him comfortable, short of dressing up as male doctors."

'It didn't hurt at all. You gave it to my teddy bear.'

'I thought it might help you get your mind off things. It's a story of hope and survival. Nothing at all like your story.'

'What's for desert?'

First United Church of Outrageously Overlimited Credit Card Holders

41 Rounds of Layoffs Survived