Layoff Gifts

"I'm not good at confrontation, so unscramble this phrase in your head for a surprise message."

"That's it. I'm taking the buyout."

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

'You know that unbreakable tie with one's company...'

"Don't know what we'd do without you, but starting tomorrow, we're going to try."

"I never won anything, except for the layoff lottery!"

"They told me my parachute would be golden. Turns out it's pyrite."

"Severance package? Umm ... here, take my fries."

"That's life in the corporate world. Yesterday I was the company's 'go-to' guy, and today, I'm the 'you go too,' guy!"

"Well I guess this is it...I'll see you guys around."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'We really can't afford golden parachutes any more, but here's a plastic crash helmet.'

"Sorry about berating you for poor attendance. You should have reminded me that I fired you three months ago."

You're Employment has been terminated -Smiley face lol

'OK everyone get out... we're downsizing!'

'Sorry, Tantor -- we're downsizing.'

'I'm afraid we have to let you go. As you know, you're entitled to a 'Golden Handshake'...

"Am I being down sized?"

'When you phoned and said you'd been canned at the factory, I never dreamed...'

'Relax, I'm not here for you. Just for your job.'

'You should check your emails, Simpson - I fired you last Friday.'

"My job traveled abroad, so I can't."

'There's new evidence that my departure from my previous employer merely coincided with their brain drain.'

"I appreciate the goodbye party. However, I wasn't aware I was going anywhere."

"You didn't eve have the decency to tell me I've been replaced?"

"But I was told this was included in my severance package."

"Let me be honest with you, as I'm out of all other options."

Boss leads employee away to fire him.

Very Difficult Conversations

"Don't forget to torch the place when you leave."

"So, you have a family. They'll be a comfort."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."