Company Layoffs Gifts

"The only safe space this company has is down the street at the unemployment office."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Very Difficult Conversations

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

Danger Slow Sand.

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

Between Offices

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

I.O.U. one pot of gold.

"I used to think" if I don't go to work the world will fall apart. . . but it fell apart anyway."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

St. Elmo's fired.

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."