Facing Layoffs Gifts

"You've entered but you haven't abandoned hope."

"Any suggestions one who to get rid of?"

'My boss said they might be laying off more people next week...what wine goes best with panic?'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

Very Difficult Conversations

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"Your job is to build an app that replaces you."

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

"It's not downsizing—it's just that we have 976 employees who have chosen to spend more time with their families."

41 Rounds of Layoffs Survived

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

The breakup

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

'You remember Mr. Horton? You know, the one you said to give the 'clean desk' award to? -- you fired him three years ago.'

"I've been told to go through all our expenses...cut out any fat, get rid of any costly perks!"

'See, I told you - nobody's job is safe!'

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

"Of course, I'm not suggesting that you should also bail."

"The good news is that I'm still here after the boss cut our department by 33 percent."

'Hey, when you announce pay cuts like these, you've got to expect a few howls of protest!'

"You're the only one in this department who has survived the staff cuts. I can only advise you to do your job well, otherwise I'll have to fire you too, got that?"

"Here's one I wrote myself. It's called 'Blues for the Guy I'm Laying Off.'"

'The facts speak for themselves: My opinion however is in the accompanying letter with your redundancy package.'

'I'm afraid we have to let you go. As you know, you're entitled to a 'Golden Handshake'...

'There's new evidence that my departure from my previous employer merely coincided with their brain drain.'

You're Employment has been terminated -Smiley face lol

'I've just thought of a way to save the company £1800 a month.'

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

What Bob thought outside the box.

'Everyone's feeling a little overwhelmed. They've doubled our workload without increasing the size of our staff.'

Office conversation

"They told me my parachute would be golden. Turns out it's pyrite."