Facing Redundancy Gifts

'But I'm a volunteer.'

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

MItch asked himself over and over, what did Mr Hogson imply by saying shape up or ship out.

"What makes you think there are going to be layoffs."

"Your job is to build an app that replaces you."

"Funny, I always thought 'downsizing' was just a euphemism euphemism for laying people off."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

'Howard's doing things he's always wanted to with his redundancy money.'

St. Elmo's fired.

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

'Sometimes I don't know if I'm coming or going.'

"Life isn't fair, and that's what makes it fun."

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

"Hey, at least you got a severance package."

41 Rounds of Layoffs Survived

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

'We'll add extra to your severance package if you promise to go to work for our competition.'

"Come out, Snivers, it's a decent enough redundancy package."

'I interview well, but only for exit interviews.'

"Your son's web presence doesn't make up for his truancy."

"He told me I was a flip phone expected to do a smart phone job."

"You're all redundant."

"At least you didn't get the axe."

Department of Wastage - Formerly 'Middle Management'

'We're keeping Edwards because he forwards the funnier e-mails.'

"Being a CEO is a bit like being a football manager. . ."

Take Harris up in the company helicopter and throw him out.

"I have some character-building news for you."

"Don't bother replying. That's YOUR job being advertised."

"You're the only one in this department who has survived the staff cuts. I can only advise you to do your job well, otherwise I'll have to fire you too, got that?"

'Reed oil aboot tit!'

"The good news is that I'm still here after the boss cut our department by 33 percent."

'I made a backup disc. Then I realized I wanted a backup of the backup. Then I decided just to be safe, to make a backup of that backup...'

"I was quite pleased to find a job which allows me to see more of my husband."