Coping With Redundancy Gifts

'I see you've heard the downsizing rumor.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'Howard's doing things he's always wanted to with his redundancy money.'

St. Elmo's fired.

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"Your job is to build an app that replaces you."

'This is Bob - our secret agent of change.'

'Sometimes I don't know if I'm coming or going.'

"Life isn't fair, and that's what makes it fun."

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

"Hey, at least you got a severance package."

41 Rounds of Layoffs Survived

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

'Carson, this is the new organizational chart. This is you.'

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

'We'll add extra to your severance package if you promise to go to work for our competition.'

"He told me I was a flip phone expected to do a smart phone job."

"Your son's web presence doesn't make up for his truancy."

'See, I told you - nobody's job is safe!'

"You're all redundant."

'I interview well, but only for exit interviews.'

"Come out, Snivers, it's a decent enough redundancy package."

"At least you didn't get the axe."

Department of Wastage - Formerly 'Middle Management'

'We're keeping Edwards because he forwards the funnier e-mails.'

"You're the only one in this department who has survived the staff cuts. I can only advise you to do your job well, otherwise I'll have to fire you too, got that?"

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."

"Don't bother replying. That's YOUR job being advertised."

"Being a CEO is a bit like being a football manager. . ."

"I have some character-building news for you."

"The good news is that I'm still here after the boss cut our department by 33 percent."

Take Harris up in the company helicopter and throw him out.

'Reed oil aboot tit!'

'I made a backup disc. Then I realized I wanted a backup of the backup. Then I decided just to be safe, to make a backup of that backup...'

"They told me my parachute would be golden. Turns out it's pyrite."