Job Redundancy Gifts

"On the other hand, my weekends are seven days long."

'Clear your desk. You're fired!'

Golden Parachutes for Middle Managers

Department of Wastage - Formerly 'Middle Management'

'Howard's doing things he's always wanted to with his redundancy money.'

"Alimony...? No Mr Wilson, this is your reality cheque!"

"Jenkins, I've turned your job into customer self service."

"They told me my parachute would be golden. Turns out it's pyrite."

"Being a CEO is a bit like being a football manager. . ."

"He told me I was a flip phone expected to do a smart phone job."

"You know it's not easy for me to fire staff....so I've hired Jeremy he has no scruples whatsoever!"

'Reed oil aboot tit!'

'We weren't going to let you go, but your desk is the perfect size for ping-pong.'

'At least they offered us a severance gift card.'

Joe was being made redundant, his wife had left and now the winch was stuck, what more could go wrong?

Golden handshake old redundancy port.

Take Harris up in the company helicopter and throw him out.

'Not more paperwork Sarge?'

"I've been reviewing my options, JB, and I think I would rather accept redundancy."

"We need to be extra careful about expenditure...and I thought we could save a but by having the Xmas, New Year and redundancy parties at the same time!"

"I think it's the work of that perky new girl in HR."

"Hey, at least you got a severance package."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

It was getting worse. Bob's power suit kept wanting more and more, whereas Bob just wanted out.

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

St. Elmo's fired.

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"Your job is to build an app that replaces you."

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

"My God! There goes middle management."

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."