Voluntary Redundancy Gifts

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

Very Difficult Conversations

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

St. Elmo's fired.

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"Your job is to build an app that replaces you."

'Howard's doing things he's always wanted to with his redundancy money.'

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

"Life isn't fair, and that's what makes it fun."

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

"Hey, at least you got a severance package."

'We'll add extra to your severance package if you promise to go to work for our competition.'

"Come out, Snivers, it's a decent enough redundancy package."

'The attack will have to wait until tomorrow Congressman. Today is furlough day. . .'

"He told me I was a flip phone expected to do a smart phone job."

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

'I interview well, but only for exit interviews.'

"Your son's web presence doesn't make up for his truancy."

"At least you didn't get the axe."

'We're keeping Edwards because he forwards the funnier e-mails.'

Department of Wastage - Formerly 'Middle Management'

'Reed oil aboot tit!'

"I have some character-building news for you."

"Don't bother replying. That's YOUR job being advertised."

Take Harris up in the company helicopter and throw him out.

"Actually, this time we're not being asked to do more with less. Instead, we're being asked to do whatever we want, somewhere else, effective immediately."

"Being a CEO is a bit like being a football manager. . ."

'There's new evidence that my departure from my previous employer merely coincided with their brain drain.'

You're Employment has been terminated -Smiley face lol

'I'm afraid we have to let you go. As you know, you're entitled to a 'Golden Handshake'...