Avoiding Redundancy Gifts

'Good news...I've not been made redundant.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'The new lad's collecting shells again boss.'

I.T. Fear

"Don't just forage - upcycle!"

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

St. Elmo's fired.

'Howard's doing things he's always wanted to with his redundancy money.'

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"Your job is to build an app that replaces you."

". . . so, all I really need to do is change one word."

"One silo is for grain, the other is for the money we save on gas."

'Sometimes I don't know if I'm coming or going.'

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

"It's a 670 page questionnaire on how to cut back on unnecessary bureaucracy!"

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

"Life isn't fair, and that's what makes it fun."

"Hey, at least you got a severance package."

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

'Any questions?'

"This universal remote is awesome. It controls the tv, cable, stereo, computer, garage door. . ."

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

'We'll add extra to your severance package if you promise to go to work for our competition.'

"You're all redundant."

'I interview well, but only for exit interviews.'

"He told me I was a flip phone expected to do a smart phone job."

"Come out, Snivers, it's a decent enough redundancy package."

"At least you didn't get the axe."

Department of Wastage - Formerly 'Middle Management'

'We're keeping Edwards because he forwards the funnier e-mails.'

'Here we stopped workers taking home pens.'

Take Harris up in the company helicopter and throw him out.

"I have some character-building news for you."

"Don't bother replying. That's YOUR job being advertised."

"Being a CEO is a bit like being a football manager. . ."