Avoiding Redundancy Gifts

'Good news...I've not been made redundant.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'The new lad's collecting shells again boss.'

"Don't just forage - upcycle!"

I.T. Fear

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

St. Elmo's fired.

"Your job is to build an app that replaces you."

'Howard's doing things he's always wanted to with his redundancy money.'

". . . so, all I really need to do is change one word."

"One silo is for grain, the other is for the money we save on gas."

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

"It's a 670 page questionnaire on how to cut back on unnecessary bureaucracy!"

"Hey, at least you got a severance package."

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

'Any questions?'

"Life isn't fair, and that's what makes it fun."

"This universal remote is awesome. It controls the tv, cable, stereo, computer, garage door. . ."

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

'We'll add extra to your severance package if you promise to go to work for our competition.'

'I interview well, but only for exit interviews.'

"You're all redundant."

"He told me I was a flip phone expected to do a smart phone job."

"Come out, Snivers, it's a decent enough redundancy package."

"At least you didn't get the axe."

Department of Wastage - Formerly 'Middle Management'

'Here we stopped workers taking home pens.'

'We're keeping Edwards because he forwards the funnier e-mails.'

Take Harris up in the company helicopter and throw him out.

'Reed oil aboot tit!'

"Don't bother replying. That's YOUR job being advertised."

"I have some character-building news for you."

"Being a CEO is a bit like being a football manager. . ."