Career Rescue Gifts

"I knew you'd come!"

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

37 years in the same position.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

I've been working 20 hours a day. Well, that leaves you four hours to get to work.

Danger Slow Sand.

"Sure, I'm a successful working bee, but sometimes, I wish I could have a family..."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

Caged Businessman

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

"....how many kids have we got now?"

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

If you really need permanent staff for IMMEDIATE cover then we could pull out all the stops and get someone by next October.

"Why, if it isn't Henshaw caught in the Overtime Warp again."

Working 9 to 5.

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

"Can you hurry up with the cake? I have to travel the world, have a career and start a family"

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

'Let me guess - you lost a fight against a young challenger who has now replaced you as the company's alpha male!'

Man watches sales chart drop through the floor.

Day one, post grad