Career Revival Gifts

'An off-white entertainment giant that's been in and out of favour with the public - what better place for Jacko's comeback?'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

37 years in the same position.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

I've been working 20 hours a day. Well, that leaves you four hours to get to work.

Danger Slow Sand.

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

"Sure, I'm a successful working bee, but sometimes, I wish I could have a family..."

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"Mum, I got the job!"

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

Caged Businessman

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

"....how many kids have we got now?"

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

"Why, if it isn't Henshaw caught in the Overtime Warp again."

Working 9 to 5.

If you really need permanent staff for IMMEDIATE cover then we could pull out all the stops and get someone by next October.

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

"Can you hurry up with the cake? I have to travel the world, have a career and start a family"

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'