Career Revival Gifts

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

37 years in the same position.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

I've been working 20 hours a day. Well, that leaves you four hours to get to work.

Danger Slow Sand.

"Mum, I got the job!"

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"Sure, I'm a successful working bee, but sometimes, I wish I could have a family..."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

Caged Businessman

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

"....how many kids have we got now?"

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"Why, if it isn't Henshaw caught in the Overtime Warp again."

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

If you really need permanent staff for IMMEDIATE cover then we could pull out all the stops and get someone by next October.

Working 9 to 5.

"Can you hurry up with the cake? I have to travel the world, have a career and start a family"

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

'Little has changed since you called saying you had to work overtime. Except John Wayne died. Oh, and there's a new thing called the 'Internet'.'