Career Catalyst Gifts

Guidance Counselor's boxes, 'push'--'shove'.

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

Do you have any other skills?

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

'That's Oog -- he got a haircut and a job.'

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

'You must be the only 'Jack-of-all-trades' who is out of work in all of them!'

"Things are looking up!"

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

'Thanks for the promotion offer but I was hoping to sleep my way to the top..'

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

Planned service changes

I'm stepping out to look for a better job...

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

"Ambitions... to make a career change from tourism to sales."

"Remember when everyone told you this job would lead you nowhere? Well, you've arrived!"

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

"The itsy-bitsy spider went up the corporate ladder. And he didn't care how many lives he ruined along the way. I know, this isn't the book Simon & Schuster wants. But it's the damn truth."

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"Yes, I'm sure you do deserve further career advancement. But if I promote you again you'll have my job!"

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"